Hagrid kills Harry Potter!
by Marfleet1987
Summary: Harry is invited to Hagrid's after classes, but little does he know, he will die very soon!


Hagrid kills Harry Potter!

**Disclaimer:** Rated M for Mature content. This supposed to be funny because of how unrealistic this is! Hope you enjoy and pleeeease R&R! :)

Harry had received the note from Hagrid. 'Come to my house as soon as your last lesson ends and you _must_ come alone!' it read! Harry really wanted to tell Hermionie and Ron but they were no-where to be found! Frustrated from not being able to find them, Harry made his way down to Hagrid's. He got to the door and he caught a funny smell. It smelt like something was rotting, but knowing Hagrid as Harry did, he was probably cooking something and he knew he was a terrible cook at the best of times. Harry knocked on the door and waited for an answer. He heard some clattering sounds and then he shouted "Come on in 'arry!"

Harry walked in with a broad smile on his face...which very soon vanished and contorted to fear! Then the door slammed shut and appeared to lock itself unbudging. Hagrid had a cold look in his face that didn't seem right at all. "'Ello 'arry!" he said coldly.

Harry looked around him! He could not believe what he was saw! Fang was dead on the floor by the fire, and what shocked him most of all were his two best friends, tied up on chairs, dead. Ron had vomit coming out of his mouth and Hermionie had blood coming out of her nose! Harry screamed, "Hagrid, what's going on? We need to get them help! What happened?"

Unable to comprehend that Hagrid must have done it, looking for another explanation, Hagrid breathed in deep and began, "Well yer see 'arry, I have a mission to attend to. A mission that needs to be done, t'day! Ron and 'ermionie 'ere jus' got in the way is all. They needed to be dealt with!"

Harry who was barely taking this shocking revelation in, that one of his best friends just killed off the other two best friends, he had to ask, "What? How Hagrid?" he began to sob and cry uncontrollably, "and why?"

"Well 'arry, I told yer why already! And 'ow? It all comes down...to _this!_"

Hagrid put a giant empty can on the table so Harry could inspect it. It was a gigantic tin of baked beans! Harry didn't understand it! Other than the size of it (a 5kg tin), it was just plain tin of baked beans! Then it clicked into place! He suspected what was happening! He shouted "You _poisoned_ them didn't you?"

Hagrid scoffed, "Oh nonsense 'arry! A did no such thing! And now, to kill you, an' my mission will be complete!"

Harry ran for the door, but the lock was persistent and would not budge! He knew it, there was no way out. The best he could hope for, was to appeal to his better nature. "Please Hagrid, let me go, I beg of you...just please don't kill me" cried Harry, reducing one more into uncontrollable sobs.

"Sorry 'arry!" Hagrid curtly replied. Facing Harry, he pushed down his gigantic trousers and underwear down. Harry was mortified. "So ya want to know 'ow a killed then do ya? Then listen 'arry! Beans, beans are good for ya 'eart..." Hagrid then turned round and bent over, revealing his gigantic hairy backside a meter from Harry! Hagrid started again, "Beans, beans..."

Then Harry understood what was about to happen, but it was too late! Hagrid let rip...

!

The consequences of 5kg of beans made Harry's hair flew backwards at a phenomenal speed! His clothes wriggled like they wanted to get off him, his mouth was blown ajar and his cheeks were rippling, making him look like he was grinning like an idiot! It was so bad, the tears that were streaming down his face, were no longer flowing down, but were being blown backwards! After 10 seconds, Hagrid was done. He inspected his work. Harry was now sheet white, and his eyes were glazed over with a little sick and vomit coming out of his nose and mouth. Satisfied, he finished "...make yer fart!"

As if Harry was anticipating the end of the sentence, he then fell backwards onto the floor, dead! The fact was he died a second before Hagrid finished!


End file.
